Homeschool Humor

May 15, 2009

I needed a real good laugh today so I looked up a few! If you’ve homeschooled for longer than six months, you have probably heard these already, but I thought I would dredge them up again!!! Hope you enjoy the laugh and it lightens your day a bit!

You Must Be Homeschooled If…

Someone asks what grade you’re in and you’re not sure.

Your favorite author is Jane Austen (girls) or Robert Louis Stevenson (boys).

You own the entire series of Saxon Math books.

Your birthday is an official school holiday.

You don’t get to stay home from school when you’re sick.

You are unaware of the current fads, fashions, and slang terms.

Your favorite activity is reading.

You know what a unit study is.

Watching a movie means you’ll have to write a report comparing the film to the book.

Your room looks like a science lab.

You can get science credit for going to the dentist.

You go to the park for P.E.

You check out at least ten books every time you visit the library.

When you check out all those books from the library, the librarian says “Are you guys homeschoolers?”

You have ever attempted to teach yourself physics.

You have no idea what rock bands are currently popular.

You get books and science kits for your birthday.

You know what Latin roots are.

Your board games all have names like “Bookworm”, “Scrabble”, “S’math”, “Game of Knowledge”, and “Name The State”.

Your home library is arranged in Dewey Decimal order.

Your favorite place to study is outside, under a tree.

You can quote lines from Shakespeare, but not from South Park.

You memorize math formulas for fun.

You never get nervous on the first day of school.

The only bully you ever run into is your big brother.

You don’t have to remember a locker combination, just your computer password.

It takes you less than a minute to walk to school.

You don’t have to worry about forgetting anything – you can just run back to your room and get it.

Your school bus is a nine-passenger van.

There are only nine students in your class – but all of them are your brothers and sisters.

You have a 12-year-old, a 6-year-old, and a 2-year old in the same class.

You can get extra credit for cleaning your room.

* * *

You Must Be a Home Educator If…

You live in a one-house schoolroom.

Your walls are covered with maps and timelines.

You know what math manipulatives are.

You have mold growing in your fridge…on purpose.

Your preschooler can name all the planets, but doesn’t know who the Rugrats are.

You’ve mastered the fine art of vacuuming a floor without sucking up a Lego or K’nex piece.

You’re either an expert at doing the Lego dance – Oooch! Ouch! Yeow! – or else you’ve resorted to wearing shoes around the house.

You know the recipes for homemade versions of Play-doh, finger paint, and paste.

Your students have to clear the breakfast bowls off the table before sitting down to do their school work.

Your house is messy, but your kids are happy.

You know that reverse psychology really works.

Your kids publish their own family newsletter.

You shop for birthday presents at educational stores.

All you want for Christmas is a Barnes & Noble gift certificate.

You’d rather buy books than clothes.

Your friends don’t want to help you move because you have so many books.

You turn a trip to the grocery store into a learning experience.

You get nervous about what people will say when you take your kids to K-Mart in the middle of the day.

You have a standard one-minute speech to give to store clerks, mother-in-laws, and school officials about why you homeschool.

You are sick and tired of answering the question, “But what about socialization?”

For your wedding anniversary, you decide to splurge and get a photocopier.

Talking out loud to yourself is the same as having a parent/teacher conference.

When you see a parking lot full of mini vans, you wonder if there’s a homeschooling conference.

You take your family vacation in September, when the beaches and theme parks are empty.

You take a suitcase full of books along on your family vacation.

You can never find your kitchen utensils because they’re out in the sandbox.

Your kitchen doubles as a science lab.

You are on a first name basis with your local librarian and bookstore owner.

The UPS driver delivers a box of Scholastic books to your doorstep once a month.

You know the scientific names of dinosaurs from A to Z.

You’re willing to drop what you’re doing at a moment’s notice to go look something up in a dictionary or encyclopedia.

You have ever vented for more than five minutes on the evils of standardized testing.

You don’t get fired for teaching your students about God.

Some days you learn as much as your students.

The more your kids learn, the less you seem to know.

* * *

Q: How does a homeschooler change a light bulb?
A: First, mom checks three books on electricity out of the library, then the kids make models of light bulbs, read a biography of Thomas Edison and do a skit based on his life. Next, everyone studies the history of lighting methods, wrapping up with dipping their own candles. Next, everyone takes a trip to the store where they compare types of light bulbs as well as prices and figure out how much change they’ll get if they buy two bulbs for $1.99 and pay with a five dollar bill. On the way home, a discussion develops over the history of money and also Abraham Lincoln, as his picture is on the five dollar bill. Finally, after building a homemade ladder out of branches dragged from the woods, the light bulb is installed. And there is light. ~Author Unknown

Top 10 Things NOT to say when asked “What?! No school today?”
10. Well normally yes, but this time of year I need help with the planting and plowing.
9. Goodness, no!!! I graduated 18 years ago, but thanks for the compliment!
8. No, we homeschool. We’re just out to pick up a bag of pork rinds and some Mountain Dew, then we gotta hurry home to catch our soaps.
7. What?! Where did you guys come from?! Oh my gosh! I thought I told you kids to stay at school! I’m sorry. This happens all the time. (sigh)
6. There isn’t? Why, you’d think we would have seen more kids out then, don’t you?
5. We’re on a field trip studying human nature’s intrusive and assumptive tactics of displaying ignorance and implied superiority. Thanks for the peek!
4. On our planet we have different methods of education. (Shhh! No, I didn’t give it away… keep your antennae down!)
3. Oh my goodness! I thought that today was Saturday…come on kids, hurry!
2. Noooooope.Me ‘n Bubba jes’ learns ‘em at home. Werks reel good!

And the number one answer we should NEVER give to the question: “What? No school today?”
1. “What? No Bingo today?”

Thank you to the KnowledgeHouse for providing the laughs today!!

Have a great day and keep on growing!!